True Love Really Does Wait.
A few things about me that are crucial to understanding the real me.
1. I'm not really "quiet" quiet. I appreciate silence, that's true, and I think everyone should. The closest friends you have are those whom you can share comfortable silences with. Think about that one. The point is though I am an one on one talker, I just find one on one talks alot more heartfelt so I don't waste my breath on group talks usually. It's that simple.
2. In terms of friends, it's quality over quantity. Those one on one talks are a big contributor to this. Of course, there are always gonna be people that's impossible to get close to, but I hate having friends who are friends by title only. One downside to this, is that it's a lot easier to get hurt by your friends this way.
There's only one friend, who I try not to think of as a friend now who falls into the category of friend "by title only". Unfortunately, there are other reason I need to be her friend so it's always been hard for me to drop her outright. And in this inability to cancel our bond, I have been hurt, and I hate myself for it everyday, for this weakness that I can't overcome.
The good news is, about 1 month ago, I was finally able to put most of it behind me, and apart from the small residual feelings, it was good and I was free again. Those residual feelings have joined and have smacked me really really hard in the head today, which is bad because it hurts, a lot more than I've been hurt recently but not as bad as I had imagined it would hurt. However it also had a good side, I think after this is over, it will finally, and really be over.
There is one extra complexity in all this though, and that is the fact that it is my real friends, my close friends who are the ones "partially" (and I use that word cautiously) responsible for the pain. Especially one person in particular it seems. He who brings her into my life, has ironically brought her out of it. Do I owe you? Or should I maintain a newfound negativity towards you? Let's try the first, first...
ps. I'm sorry I made this about me, when yes, I guess it's more about you. But I appreciated your honesty about what happened greatly, and I hope you can appreciate mine. The half of me that is your friend will always support you, but I will no longer deny the other half of me, the relatively irrational half that still wants her above all else.
edit: hmm, actually, what happened today has little to do with her being a crap friend. I am very angry about, that's true, but this falls into a completely different category. She's a crap friend coz she's never fulfilled an invitation, or called, or even cares anymore. I've only ever asked her to do one thing, it was recent and I guess it was partially a test, and she failed badly.
1. I'm not really "quiet" quiet. I appreciate silence, that's true, and I think everyone should. The closest friends you have are those whom you can share comfortable silences with. Think about that one. The point is though I am an one on one talker, I just find one on one talks alot more heartfelt so I don't waste my breath on group talks usually. It's that simple.
2. In terms of friends, it's quality over quantity. Those one on one talks are a big contributor to this. Of course, there are always gonna be people that's impossible to get close to, but I hate having friends who are friends by title only. One downside to this, is that it's a lot easier to get hurt by your friends this way.
There's only one friend, who I try not to think of as a friend now who falls into the category of friend "by title only". Unfortunately, there are other reason I need to be her friend so it's always been hard for me to drop her outright. And in this inability to cancel our bond, I have been hurt, and I hate myself for it everyday, for this weakness that I can't overcome.
The good news is, about 1 month ago, I was finally able to put most of it behind me, and apart from the small residual feelings, it was good and I was free again. Those residual feelings have joined and have smacked me really really hard in the head today, which is bad because it hurts, a lot more than I've been hurt recently but not as bad as I had imagined it would hurt. However it also had a good side, I think after this is over, it will finally, and really be over.
There is one extra complexity in all this though, and that is the fact that it is my real friends, my close friends who are the ones "partially" (and I use that word cautiously) responsible for the pain. Especially one person in particular it seems. He who brings her into my life, has ironically brought her out of it. Do I owe you? Or should I maintain a newfound negativity towards you? Let's try the first, first...
ps. I'm sorry I made this about me, when yes, I guess it's more about you. But I appreciated your honesty about what happened greatly, and I hope you can appreciate mine. The half of me that is your friend will always support you, but I will no longer deny the other half of me, the relatively irrational half that still wants her above all else.
edit: hmm, actually, what happened today has little to do with her being a crap friend. I am very angry about, that's true, but this falls into a completely different category. She's a crap friend coz she's never fulfilled an invitation, or called, or even cares anymore. I've only ever asked her to do one thing, it was recent and I guess it was partially a test, and she failed badly.
posted by Anonymous at 9:01 pm
2 Comments:
There will be no more comments on this topic whatsoever by me. Sorry, don't ask again.
whoa dramabomb
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